Thursday, July 22, 2010

That's "Cohan" with a "C," Dammit!

"I don't care what you say about me, as long as you say something about me, and as long as you spell my name right." Many people supposedly said it, George M. Cohan actually said it before he became one of Jimmy Cagney’s characters, and what does it mean in a world where “newspapers” means everything from The New York Times to Glenn Beck to HuffPo to Keith Olbermann`s tweets, and it’s all instant and so out there? (Full disclosure: I love Keith Olbermann’s tweets. Yeah, I’m that liberal.)

Let’s call this the George M. Cohan School of Marketing, and let’s start with Marketing 90 – Marketing for Morons, GMCSM-style.

First, companies exist to sell products, not engage in conversation. Companies engage in conversation because it’s currently needed to sell some products to some people on some levels. Old Spice didn’t do personal short-form videos because it thought it was fun, period. Old Spice did it’s a fun way to ultimately sell more Old Spice.

Second, a willingness to engage in conversation is bad if all it does is generate negative responses. At some point the positives – wherever they come from, whatever they say -- have to outweigh the negatives, or it’s all been an exercise in brand unbuilding. Ask Toyota.

Third, companies want to drive. They want to control the direction and the content of any conversation, and they want to keep the conversation short because short conversations are more profitable. A company that answers 99 percent of customer calls on the first call benefits doubly: first, because customer-service time is money, and second, because the person on the other end wants their problem solved right away. As conversations go, this is the surest win-win.

Let’s stay with the customer-service call for a minute. Someone calls a company with a problem, and more often than not they have a solution in mind. The company has a solution to that problem in mind as well, and it probably is not the same solution as the caller’s solution. The company’s challenge is to steer the caller to the company’s solution and have them accept it happily.

The company steering a caller to the company’s solution is the ultimate win-win-win in conversational marketing. The company delivers its preferred solution quickly to a caller, and makes them happy.

That’s why any organization that wants to engage in a conversation with its audience should start with the most basic conversations (which, not coincidentally, are the conversations where the organization has the greatest control): The sale. The followup. (“So how do you like your steak?”) The customer-service call. Know in advance how you want these conversations to go, and have contingency plans when they don’t go that way.

Get these right, and you can test out of Marketing 90 at the GMCSM and move on to Marketing 101 – Not Caring What They Say About You.

The conventional wisdom is that a thick skin is the one thing needful in the social-media maelstrom. Well, yes and no.

What’s more useful is the knowledge that the extremists on either end of the spectrum want free stuff, are certifiably nuts, or both.

When I was in the magazine business we received a letter from someone who signed himself The Mighty Billy Becker. The Mighty Billy Becker wanted his image put on a coin and the coin shown on the three major networks (it was a time ago) during their evening newscasts. If this was not done he would … I can’t remember. I think he just wanted it done because he was The Mighty Billy Becker.

I’m pretty sure I saw The Mighty Billy Becker on Twitter the other night, trying to wrangle some free dryer sheets.

The conundrum with The Mighty Billy Becker and his pals is the same conundrum as the baby crying in the middle of the night. When do you give the bottle, and when do you let them cry themselves to sleep?

The Targeted Application of Common Sense says in the case of the extremes to be unfailingly polite but not to appease. It sounds right, but try it sometime.

However, if you can approximate politeness without appeasement at the extremes you can then turn your attention to the middle, which is quieter but infinitely more useful from a marketing standpoint.

The middle is occupied by four basic types: the Gabber, the Time Waster, the Sincere Good and the Sincere Bad.

The Gabber desperately wants to talk to someone. He must be desperate or he wouldn’t be trying to strike up a conversation with a corporate monolith.

The Time Waster has settled on your interactive stuff – videos, games, apps, blogs, whatever – as the stuff he wants to waste his time on. Somehow you managed to create something that to him is more engaging than the fluffy-cat version of Call of Duty. Don’t argue with them; as that famous marketing professor, Van Morrison, once said, “It ain’t why – it just is.”

However, realize that engaging with your stuff is not the same as buying your product. The key to successful online marketing is to not confuse the destination -- your products -- and the road that takes you there -- the sale -- with the sign that points the way. You can get there without the sign. You can't get there without the road, and if you have nothing at the end, what does it matter?

The Sincere Good truly likes your product, and has taken the time to tell you why. If your radar’s good and you can pick these people out from the extremists, listen to them and then reward them – or at the very least, cultivate them. They’re deserving.

The Sincere Bad really want to like you but are prevented by some significant flaw from doing so. Again, listen to them and reward them, ideally by solving their problem. They may have come to you through conversational channels, but their dilemma is classic customer service, and the same rules apply.

In the end, all these types of conversations can be successfully conducted if you keep one simple trait in mind: respect. Respect your product; don't cheapen it by giving it away to the person who yells the loudest. But respect the people who sincerely want to have a dialogue with you. Answer their questions truthfully, politely and promptly, just as if you were a small shopkeeper and they were standing at the counter in front of you. Because in this particular realm, they are.

Do these things and you won't have to worry about what they say about you. You'll have it under control.

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